I can’t be trans

I’m not white. 

I’m… 

I hesitate between Palestinian and Jordanian,

wondering which will be validated,

which denied — mostly desiring the least amount of labor because fuck relationships 

Built in the perversion of identities — 

I guess I can be trans

If I can be Palestinian 

But that last part

Seems far off

Like a Dream that doesn’t

Belong to me. 

I say I’m indigenous 

Years before others claim

The same and I wonder if

They know they denied my existence

On their paths to find

Their own. 

Am I trans 

Am I Palestinian 

Am I autistic

Am I Muslim

I ask, unaware of how 

I can be any without

The others 

I realize identity doesn’t

Theoretically work

That way 

Palestine is being genocided 

Trans is being fucked from the very beginning

Autism is being from a broken world

Muslím is being a caricature of spirituality 

What is a world where palestine is not trans?

Muslim is not autistic? 

I search for answers 

Always finding the answer is white 

Palestinian is white 

Trans is white

Autistic is white 

Even Muslim is white 

I’m not white, 

Dogs released at us 

Sirens in the distance 

Cops and states always aiming to erase us

Only white when self-accepting 

Brown when loathing 

What is a world that claims me white only when they envy. 

I was not white on the streets. 

I was not white failing. 

I was not white depressed and suicidal. 

I became white only when I healed. 

Is white a synonym for healing? 

Then why do you still kill us if you’ve healed? Why do we kill one another yearning for healing? 

My entire life 

I’ve been gendered as

Trans until I claimed

Transness and they 

Called me cis 

I only get sir’ed

Wearing makeup 

White when I claimed

Palestine

White when I claimed 

Indigenous 

Sane when I claimed 

Mad 

Doctors pretending other doctors

Were wrong because I wasn’t 

Wrong

Who am I 

If not a caricature 

Of your own

Imaginations 

Gurrrrl, 

Keep thinking

Keep drowning 

Keep whatever it is

Whiteness does on a

Tuesday 

I’ll be out here

Building what 

You never could